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why? why have you changed? you are not "you" anymore.. where is the one i used to know...?
you have all disappeared,my friends. left me one by one. is there a problem with me? i'm not lost with your disappearance. just hurt.
a gaping hole has appeared in my heart...
i finally realise the reason as to why i would cry, why i would feel breathless sometimes.. i haven't really been able to breath in so long...
i am not blaming you. i blame myself. for believing in you. for deluding myself that i am wanted. for trusting that you will not change, that we would still be friends and that i could,possibly, still hold that small corner in your heart.
i did not. i am unwanted, un-needed,and disposed of after use.
just like tissue, just like a tool, just like rubbish.
perhaps its time i learnt to let go,to let you run off with them while i stay in my delusion.
perhaps you wil be happier, i know i will not.
perhaps you would come back,but i dare not hope.
and, perhaps, i will be useful some day. you will come back when you are hurt. i shall accept you with open arms.
and then,when you are gone, i shall return to my silent solitude and let the darkness of the anguish devour me.
you will not notice,as i will smile when you look at me,as though i am okay.
in my heart the hole gets picked at. the hole enlarges,threatening to tear me apart. i claw at the hole to keep off the burning sensation. i shall be alright.
i shall be alright;
i shall be fine;
i shall be there for you.
but i am broken, and none can ever fix that. no one can, and no one will.
i will remain torn and void of emotion till eternity...........
"Before you, my life was like a moonless night,but there were stars-points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore, and there was no more reason for anything..."
~Edward Cullen, New Moon pg 514, the Twilight Series.