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mushy stuff for night game first aid!!
we were angry and played with his. weee~ more nonsense (: okies.done crapping (: stay tuned for more nattering.
will update about march holidays soon. severe headache now. saw a doctor and got reffered to TTSH.
first it was the shock of the news. i knew there was something wrong w/ me but this news was too much. my heart almost stopped there and then as soon as i heard the news. then i thought of the cost of the check-up.
sorry mama,for needing you to get a day's leave from work,and thanks for worrying about me. thanks to papa for the worry too. i love you both.
UNWELL lyrics
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like Im headed for a breakdown
And I dont know why
But Im not crazy, Im just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
Im not crazy, Im just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me
I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind
But Im not crazy, Im just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
But Im not crazy, Im just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, Im just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
Im just a little unwell
-->
march holidays
3/18/2008 07:03:00 pmposting pics only... too lazy... sorry,ppl.
doing gadgets... jieying's cup got hole,i think... it's leaking!
you cant escape my camera! wahaha.
still trying to fix her cup..
aunty siqi blowing balloon...
mel: *bread in mouth* *cheese!!* audrey: *aiyo,mel hurh...*
little red hen! and prata supper!forgive me. i too lazy and tired.got OM camp aft gg camp,was fun but tiring.x3 OM!! (:
Thursday, March 13, 2008
updates again...
3/13/2008 10:46:00 pmthis is completely ridiculous. i want my rest for the march holidays!!!!!!! why must you steal it?!?!?!?!must update from last week... thursday class drama!complete success lahx. many praised we did a high-level play. our principal mr tan chee siong even invited the class to come back to perform for next year's 30th aniversary. so honored!! ate pizza afterwards in class. ms zaiton treated them again! i got a candy cane cos i cant eat the pizzas. weee~! marcus super-greedy lah. ppl dun wan eat den he eat. took this of him. new spokesperson of Canadian 2-for-1 Pizza 9 (with a sian face!)
class play backdrop of AMK new town
everything was worth it cos we all worked so hard for it (:
fridaytraining today. kinda sian. but was glad cos its the last day of school.aop after training. still got problems with the proposal...many of them cried... poor dears.. i gave out many hugs.maybe its time we walked out to the streets wit the "free hugs" signs someday. haha.
saturdayfund fiesta. i lost my shoes!!!!!!! *kicks self in face*the guides sold drinks at a sheltered place. i think its the shelter that caused the water to be retained in the soil causing it to remain soggy. eeek.meixin and anna "attacking" vanessa
jieying holding the trash bag filled with the wind (:
run-and-jog for everyone who wants to participate.
ice creates red hands.
will try to update asap cos really no time.... sorry!
Sunday, March 09, 2008
needless fear?
3/09/2008 11:05:00 pmi really don't know what's wrong with me nowadays.... i have a nagging feeling that something drastic will happen and i will be...not me anymore. i'm scared. needlessly so,you say? i guess it cant be helped.. it's like i'm losing my mind nowadays.. my memory fails me.my voice does not sound like it comes from me. my smiles all look fake to me.my head keeps hurting and my breath ragged.i'm scared.i know my mind shies away from where my brain locks the painful memories,but....what if i cant remember everyone?what if i cant remember the things we do,the things you do,the things i do?what if i cant...remember me?
forbidden to remember;yet terrified to forget... it's a hard line to walk. i can't sleep.i'm too terrified to do so.what if that something happened during this time? i cant take it.my head hurts every time i think of stuff like this.it's depressing but i cant think of anything else. maybe it's time i acquired professional help.i cant even afford tuition. see a shrink? i doubt that possibility. i'm not crazy. i'm not crazy. i'm not crazy. i'm not crazy.i'm just unwell.i dunno when--if--i ould ever become well again,but this is the best i can do. i'll try to live. somehow or another i will.even if i turn zombie.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Lost in the Woods lyrics
3/06/2008 11:14:00 pmLost In The Woods lyrics
Tonight I'm freakin' out again
Tonight I'm thinkin' so low
All I wanted was a friend all I've got is no one
Tonight I'll sleep alone I won't sleep at all
My heart isn't alive
Right now I'm sinking further down
Right now I'm breaking inside
A long drive to see you lie in bed
A long ride wishing for your life
Tonight I'll stay with you
And I will get us through
My heart ripped from my chest
Too late I hope not for this
My heart isn't alive
(My arms carry the weight
Two hands folded yet straight
My arms closed in a prayer for you)
Nauseous preparing for the worst
Cautious repairing open wounds
Yet somehow believing in a chance
It'll turn out to be another test
And you'll come back again
You're lost in the woods they say to me
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
self-infliction
3/05/2008 10:51:00 pmits not like i have not tried to salvage our relationship. you kept sinking the bridge i tried to build. if so, this is a losing battle.
its not like i have not tried. i try to smile and when i see familiar faces. i try to act as though i am okay.
but i am not. i am not okay. some days, i want to avoid people as much as possible,and they will call me "iso-kia" [person who isolates him/herself]
if i don't smile, i'm anti-social.
if i don't smile, i'm emo.
if i don't smile, you think i am too high of myself.
if i don't smile, you think i am angry and stressed.
why must i smile for you?
why must i smile when i am not happy?
why must i smile when i am on the verge of tears?
if i continue,i will soon lose myself.
is it better to have no emotions at all,i wonder..?
song lyrics - coming clean
singer: hillary duff
Let's go back
Back to the beginning
Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned
'Cause perfect didn't feel so perfect
Trying to fit a square into a circle
Was no life
I defy
[Chorus:]
Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean
I'm shedding
Shedding every color
Trying to find a pigment of truth
Beneath my skin
'Cause different
Doesn't feel so different
And going out is better
Than always staying in
Feel the wind
[Chorus]
I'm coming clean
Let the rain fall
Let the rain fall
I'm coming clean...
[Chorus x2]
Let's go back
Back to the beginning
how i feel can never change.
dejection
3/05/2008 10:15:00 pmi'm tired.
i'm angry.
i'm breathless.
i'm dying.
got back my results slip today.. super-devastated.
i have no confidence.
i have lost confidence.
i must regain confidence.
but...how..?
i cannot take any more blows.
i will die.
lord save me.
GOOD LUCK FOR CLASS PLAY TMR!!
Sunday, March 02, 2008
updates again...
3/02/2008 12:57:00 pmnot really myself again... but i dont really know which is the real me... i don't want to hurt anyone,but myself,i will not have minded. that was never the case. i will always hurt someone without knowing. i'm so sorry.friday,29th Feb -wee~leap year!- didn't fall-in today.. leg injuries and stuf.. audrey was flag raiser with serene. desmond was commander. he was too soft. for a bit. could see that audrey was angry at me and koonling for not falling in. me and kl did our studying when they fall in. thanks,kl,for accompanying me. aud asked joy to get her bag for her. joy dragged jieying and she dragged mx. yx and sam followed while kl and i went to class instead. maths-went on to new topic. ms lee and mingliang were concerned about me not falling in. got back my maths paper. got 16/25. at least i did not fail. that was good. but i was still upset. chem. got chem paper and did error analysis. this was horrid. i failed. 17/35. rarrs. getting more and more dejected and almost cried. slapped myself to stop me from doing so. it was not that i have not tried my best,but..............thanks,dunya,for checking if i was alright. recess..nothing particularly interesting. i was emo-ing. chinese-learned phrases and played a word-link game. was fun. geog-got back geog paper. was horrid too. 14/25. training-pt,games,footdrills/enrollment test. did not run due to injuries. audrey asked what to do next and i suggested the fitness corner. did the window thing. inclined pull-up and monkey bars. the juniors were cute. all seemed terrified to do the window thing. me,sam and audrey gave instructions,encouragement,and physical support. most were afraid to jump over. during games the ps went to do 4/5 class drama props. we were angry at the pls. ask if you dont know anything! what the __!! ahem. i am the games i/c after all. they older juniors did footdrills while sarah and the sec1s did their enrollment test. i fell asleep. i am a horrible person after all. after training- went makan-ing with audrey and koonling. sorry for all the trouble i caused. we wanted to eat at amk central but the shop was closed. mr.siva drove us to central. so long since we talked properly to him. seems that om is progressing on not-so-well... the props were not seen yet! i mean,when we did it last year we already had our props started by now and we can see the big sets and stuff... but this year was just less visible.... we then walked and walked. to the centre place near the other s11 and then to 127. we ate at blk 127. kl got beancurd salad and i got noodles. audrey did not eat but we drank and talked. sent audrey to her bus-stop and home-ed w/ koonling. talked about lots of things on the mrt. koonling,i will try my best de!!! thanks for your support!! made lame stories w/ koonie too(: here's one:
amiable audrey flew koonling the kite. she became angry when she tripped and so let go of koonling the kite. zijing zapped the kl kite and she flew back downwards. amiable audrey got her kite back and was not angry anymore. ah,well... kl and i were just crapping. hahas. saturday morning-maths remedial and class play props. had great fun! DESPO-FOR-BLACK-PAINT-DAY~! afternoon-religious class stuffs. it was the most i had ever talked with yi jun. more than the other conversations we've ever had. got scolded a lot by her dad,too.. [oops] went dinner-ing with jinxian,jinrong,jintai,jianwei,jianting [my "brothers"] and the other adults. got bullied alot by my "brothers". good friends. *sarcastic*night-religious class. sang and ate. the games i prepared we did not play,as there was no time. good,as i was not in the mood for games. serious headache. passed xinli her presents and yijun her cake. wee~ ate the cake xinli bought for us. mint~!!! <3>
pictures took these during and after the prop-making. we were having fun playing.WEIZHENG IN TV
PLAN FOR STAGE
WEIZHENG MUTILATING OUR NAMES
mine
baolin's
