i think i should start a tumblr blog or twitter or something. easier for me to rant and all that jazz, right?
anyways, reading a certain Ameranada fanfict is reminding me of the pathetic time i spent in depression; almost 2 weeks-a month i think? would stare at the ceiling thinking of nothing at all, cry at the strangest times, and had almost no sleep. more like, i want to sleep but i can't. and then i'll either end up staring blankly at everything or start crying all over again.
either that, or i slept and woke up after an hour or something - definitely not enough of sleep,i swear- and have batshit crazy dreams half the fucking time. which, might i add, will wake me up for certain.
i probably lost weight during that time too. not like i can remember any of it. nor do i want to.
back to reading now; i hope things turn out better for the characters and i'll stop feeling so depressed.
and omg please end quickly i am procrastinating on my costume just because i am reading fffffff
/stresses
I have a really bad feeling something bad is gonna happen.
I mean, I know its my fault, but still.
edit:
sigh. i want to cry. i am so worried ):
been really long since i blogged; i dont think anyone even comes here anymore. ah well.
been real annoyed lately by a certain person.
sometimes, i really need a channel to let out my anger and stuff. but i doubt anything is a good option.
i dont see why i keep wasting my time/tears/life getting annoyed by you.
and when we argue, i already want to stop by going to my room.
and then YOU HAVE TO FRIGGIN' COME OVER AND TRY TO MAKE YOUR POINT
what is your problem?
and i was like 'JUST GO AWAY' loudly, and you say i have shouted at you
and complained to others about me and make me look bad
forget it. i will not bother anymore.
i dont want to talk to you ever again. even if i have to see you all the time
i think i'm trying to do too many things at once.work, then when i go home i wanna start on actually finishing my Blaze Edge but i never do it.
and then i keep thinking about my cosplay plans and that i should draw and that i wanna make some video with my friends and how i have a hundred and one things to do
but i just keep slacking and go onto facebook to play castle age and i keep getting distracted by One Piece and fan ficts and whatnot OTL
also, my fats are making me feel worse about myself OTL
i needa start drawing though. if not i wont have things for my portfolio in time to come, which will indefinitely kill me TAT
idk.its like you keep saying that you dont want/need something, but you feel like you're subconsciously craving it. or something like that.
like attention for example.
its like you'll say things or pretend to be sick or whatnot so people can pay attention to you, but then when they do you get kinda shy and say 'no i'm fine.'
or or. dieting
telling yourself you need to slim down but still eating alot and telling yourself that you're actually not that fat so a little is fine (when the little is somehow alot)
and this one. trust/guilt
one of the strangest things ever.
you fight with your friends and then you tell yourself never to talk to them ever again.
you delete them from your facebook, msn, phone, etc. but you remember their numbers forever already and add them back on later.
and this happens after you talk to other friends who tell you another side of the story and you have problems trusting the friends you fight with .
then you feel guilty for not trusting them at first and feel bad about the bad things you did to them. but even with this guilt you still dont trust them.
what is this i dont even
argh i'm not making sense here am i
/goes to read
i dont care if its friggin 2.40am
i have cramps and i cant sleep with it D8
172 - sigh.
with too much assignments and studio projectmaybe i procrastinate and work slowly.
but i cant help it T^T
i get distracted too easily orz
and nowadays so stressed, and i still keep nomming on stuff
zijing is gonna get fat man
and i think my gunblade is spoiling
no time to give it a proper check though OTL
i need my break quickly T^T
also, much as i'd love to login to Pet Society and Restaurant City alot, i cannot OTL
and cosplay.
i need more moolah and time
and this: my birthday
i cant believe i almost forgot about it
its coming soon but i have to do studio project on that day too (though its a sunday)
not sure how to celebrate as well D:
/goes back to emoing and trying to complete cartoon walk and environment modelling
yes i do
since it sucks so much
and backlog of assignments
not that i dont already have alot more to do
stop procrastinating dammittttttt DDD8
its okay. work for the holidays
4 more weeks and i can relax le!
then can find myself a job and earn me some munnies for future cosplays and whatnot
